2003-04-28 - 12:59 a.m.
i saw this documentary on the GAZA STRIP just now. an isreali tank left a red boxing glove on the ground. a kid picked it up and inside was metal. he tried to hammer the metal. He wanted to sell the metal. He threw the metal against a wall. and the metal threw back and pierced and cauterized his stomach. shred him. and the camera man showed him. there was this little kid that was the focus of the documentary. he kept thinking about death and what death was. There was a part in the film where he had this running conversation with god and he would explain what he would say to god and then play gods role of what god would say back.
god continuously asked him why he stole?
for food.
why did you run with martyrs?
because they were my friends
why did throw stones at the jews, dont you know that the jews and you are all my children?
and the kid answers but all my friends are dead.
there were no saints in the movie. only humans that wore
down and became cynical and sometimes fiercely hated but wanted some peace somehow and often wanted death more than this life.
i have been thinking all week seriously of some kind of action in addition to upping personal daily determination. the powerlessness is palpable. it has been a long time coming. come july, being in the hospital might give me a little of that.
